Cell Group

Sunday cell group with my church friend. Touched me so much with the present of God... I cried as much as I can. At first, I was like tried to control my tears, but in the end, I couldn't help myself as my tears rolling down . With wonderful music, "it is well" . I love this so very much. As I was crying, I did not know why . That feeling is undesirable. I know I have stress, relationship and then about future. I did not know what I'm going to be. Thought about future, I feel myself very weak and scare. I dont know what will happen next. I pray hard to God, asked God that everything will be alright, be strong and brave to accept everything that happen in my life. As my leader held hands and pray onto me, give me wisdom, dont look back about the past, walk through future....
When through hard time relationship years ago, and happened something that I couldn't forget..........
Well, I'm alright now. God loves is so awesome, feeling better after the worship... In Jesus name we pray, AMEN!!!!!!

Drama dream

Hey guys, it's been a long time. yeah!!

Well, recently I always dream about so-called dramatic dreams. I love to dream. As you know, it is isn't reality, and you would also feel that whether you are in a dream or reality, Basically you would also forget what your dream is after you woke up. Well, I really hate this, I wish I could remember and has ending about the dream.

I love to watch action movie, action tv show, such as Blacklist , CSI , Law and order , etc. These are about killing, find for clues, fighting , shooting and bla bla bla... :)

And then it came into my dream, one of my dream is I was holding a handgun, try to kill a person, The city was like in New York City although I'm from Malaysia and never gone to NYC before. It was sunny day (I think so.) , holding a handgun and try to pull the trigger at the stranger in long distance. OH MAN, long distance?! why don't I use a sniper or rifle ? haha, what a silly dream I had. I was aimed for him, he was wearing a long coat and a hat, is there winter time? I guess so. Then,the tall square wall was blocking the view, I try to jump on it. Jump jump jump... I just could see him walking along the street with his hands inside his pocket. Tried to aim him while jumping. In reality, I was like... Man!! how could I do the same thing in one time if wanna kill a person? Jumping and aiming? Kidding me? ha!

And then I forget what happen next, maybe I was hunted by his man? haha...

That's all for today..

じ☆Vの

The broken hearted friend

It's 7 in the evening. As Emily was playing piano, her mind keep on appearing with Alex image and she couldn't forget what he said to her. Tear rolling down through her cheek and dropped onto her brownish teddy bear with ribbon around its neck that sat on her lap while she was playing "Mariage d'amour" song on piano.

"I think... we should broke up."

This hurting word,flooded through her mind again and again.It's hurting her so damn deep and  Alex never realized that she still love him so much. Yesterday since he broke up with her, but she still cant let it down. It just happened out of a blue without knowing.

"Ding dong..." the sound of door bell broke into Emily's extraction from the song that she played. Emily quickly wide her tears with her palm and throw her teddy bear on the sofa that sit on her lap. She take a deep breath and try to smile to greet someone at the door.

"Ding Dong..." another sound of door bell. "Coming!!!"

"Hey Ada, what a surprise you come here" Emily open the door and greets someone with open hearted."Hey.."Ada smile at her.  "come in come in" a big smile on Emily's face and she gentle tap on Ada's back while she come in. But Ada knew what had going on on her.When Ada was walking toward Emily's door, she could hear Emily was playing with depression.

"Have a sit , coffee or tea? " Emily talked with normal tune to Ada.

"Hmm.. coffee please." Ada give her a smile on her face.

"Alright, just wait a minute. Coffee will be right soon  " Emily went to the kitchen to prepare a cup of coffee for Ada.

Ada smile on her face while Emily head to kitchen. Ada looked around her house. It was damn fashion and nice. Ada wish to stay here to enjoy her bungalow house. Ada knew what was going on with her these few days.Ada knew Emily just broke up with her lover on yesterday and Ada can't accompany Emily because of her damn work from her fucking boss. And finally today is Friday, after work rushed to Emily house.

Ada founded out Emily's brownish teddy bear that sit upside down . Without hesitation she adjust the teddy bear into sitting position . But then, she realize that Emily's teddy bear is wet.

"Wet enough , she should be crying for few hours " Ada said to herself  and put the teddy bear into siting position .

Ada did't realize Emily was coming toward her as Ada was thinking about her that went through into tough time.

"Homemake coffee is ready. "Emily put down the plate with the cup onto it.

"Hey!! where did you come from. It scare me out of hell" Ada backward and tap her chest .

"You are so damn funny ." Emily smile at her "Here, have a drink."

Ada take a sip of Emily's homemake coffee. "hmmm, no wonder customers keep on coming.." Ada take another sip of coffee."Ahhhhhh......~~~~" Ada drank with satisfaction

"Awww.. Thanks sweetly. " Emily give her a sweet hug while Ada take another sip.

"Hey hey..back off.. it's drip on my shirt!! "

"Oh.. I'm sorry." Emily quickly stand up and stretch her hand to pull out some tissue from the tissue's box and try to wipe on Ada's mouth and her shirt.

"It's ok It's ok. I'll handle it myself." Ada wipe off the coffee stain that on her shirt.Ada look up at her and give her a smile.Later on, She grab Emily's wrist down and make Emily to sit beside with her. Ada is still grabbing Emily's wrist.

"Emily," Ada said with gentle and soft, it feel comfortable while she call out her name.

"...Tell me, what's wrong?" Ada looks deeply into Emily's eyes without blink and sit closer to her. Ada could see behind her eyes are full of sorrowful.

"Hey, what are you talking about? I'm fine, don't you see?" Emily give her a big smile and gentle push Ada's hands away where she grabs her and move a little bit distance from Ada.

"Emily, I know what had happen to you. Please, tell me what's wrong" Ada quickly grabs her wrist again to avoid her to go far from her.

"Ada, I'm fine. Really.. fine.Please.... don't ask me again."

Emily controlling very hard to avoid tears dropping down but her eyes seem watery. Emily face to the other side instate facing Ada, but Ada knew Emily was crying. Ada could sense her best friend feeling.

Ada throw away the tissue that Emily give it to her just a moment ago . Ada stand up and walked over to Emily and wrapped her arms around Emily from behind, who broke into tears when she felt Ada's strong arms around her.Warm tears dripped down on Ada's arms . As she could knew , her best friend is hurting.

"sob....sob...."

"I know it is very difficult to lose someone you love... But you need to... be strong...and face the consequence.Don't let the damn consequence beat down upon you. Emily.." Ada turned Emily to face her . Emily looked Ada with tears in her eyes.

"Tell me what happen. Maybe I could get some little help for you."Ada gave a sweet smile and wiped of Emily's tears with her thumb.

"Ada.... I'm sorry.. I cant control my tears.. It's hurt .....so much in.. in my heart ... "

Emily feel weak while she was crying in front of Ada. Emily slumped to her kneel and slowly into sitting position .Ada supported her with her arm and kneel beside her. Rubbing her back to give her some comfortable feeling. Ada was suck at comforting at people it would boiled someone over. So, she prefer stay quite and gave some touch on Emily.Ada brushed up her hair that cover up Emily's face. Emily looked up at her with her tears in the eyes. Ada felt sad and pity what she had to go through . Ada continued gentle tap her back.

"It's OK Emily.. You still have me with you. Just cry out loud and you will feel better . " Ada reached out her hand to the tissue box and took 2 pieces of tissue for Emily .Wiped off her tears .

Ada gave Emily some space to cry out loud . Ada just stay silent as she watched Emily crying.

"Everything will be alright while you cry out loud.. Be strong girl.. " Ada gently tap Emily's back.

Emily got up to sit on the sofa feeling better then just now. Ada went to the kitchen to pour a glass of water to her best friend.

"Here.. have some nice drink.." As Ada hand it the glass of water to Emily, she felt pleasant and comfortable while Ada still at her side.

"I'm sorry Ada.."

"Why should you apology to me ?"Ada felt confusing about her

"Sorry for pour a glass of water for me as this is my house."

"It's ok my dear Emily. " Ada gentle tap on her head.

"Thanks for every thing . I feel better then yesterday." Emily hug Ada appreciated what she care for.. :)

As Ada kissed Emily on her cheek .


じ☆Vの

Just a friendship story :)

Since I was 16, I guess..I had written an essay that in Chinese language and i get 37 over 40.

"Oh.. not bad.." ^^

So, I would like to share about what my essay are written.but not 100% of my essay story line that are written in this blog. I'm changing it to become interesting and emotion.  It's about love and friendship story. And i don't know why I write that kind of story. It is because I was in love at that time? or hurt? or frustrated ? hmm.. I don't remember .. hope you enjoy ya.. :)

   "Why you did this to me?"I shouted at her loudly. "I treated you as my best friend in so many years.And this is what I get it from you? " 

    

    I pushed hard to her shoulder and making her move backward instead of falling down on the wet ground . I was hot under the collar on her and I don't want to see her again as I walked pass her to get out of my sight . 

   "Ann!!" she shouted through the way that I walked . She quickly ran toward me and grab my arm. "Ann, please, let me explain , please.. that's not what you are thinking, he ....."as I couldn't wait to let her finish her sentence, I push away her hand hard and slap hard onto her face. 

    "For God sake!! I saw what you did to him, at first, you hold his hand, then,he kiss you, then, he whisper something sweet near your ear, then, what would will happen next? going to hotel room with him? and having sex with him? huh?" I say out loud with frustrated in public. I don't care stranger who walk pass beside us. Then, I slapped her hard and she felt on to the ground . 

   "sob..sob..no.... is not... like that..what you are thinking.....please... let me explain.... "Jill cried until her tear rolling down to her cheek. She stare at me full of sympathy in her eyes and hold my arm for begging me to let her explain everything to me.

   

    "My God!! Don't pretend like an innocence,bitch! No one would feel sorry for what you did.I hate you so much for ruling my life!! and... I wont see you again!!" I angrily pushed her hard and walked away from her .I cried with anger and sadness for what my best friend did to me. As I wipe my tears and said to myself  "it is useless to cried over her!"

    At that time, It was drizzling and damn cold at night. Everyone on the street were taken umbrella and wearing jacket just in case of getting cold. Only me who was wearing a red collar shirt and a short running to get to my house. I doesn't care about drizzle or cold, I just wanted to be at home, to be alone after the feeling that what i felt just now. As I reached home, I went to the closet and change into dry clothes then went to the kitchen to make some hot coco to warm up myself. After a moment, I felt dizzied and ached around my body. Without hesitation , I slowly walk toward my bed and had a good night sleep.    

   I slowly open my eyes and reached the alarm clock , It was 11.30pm. 

   "Oh crap! I have been sleep for 2 hours, I might late for our dating." I get out my bed to a siting position , I felt my body still ached , what had happen to me? It is not the time to felt sick now.. While I was dressing, I felt uneasy and bother.The weather still cold, so I wear double with a thick brown jacket with cover up head. 

   As I was taken a cab to go to the destination, I called up John, my boyfriend,to make sure he was there. but no one answer the phone. I was so worried and continued call him. No matter how much I called him, non of the single soul answered my phone.I felt very tired and dizzied , but I need to make sure his was alright. 

    "Miss? here we are,the famous pub in this town..$10 please..  " the taxi driver see through the reflection of me through the upper mirror and give a big smile to me. 

   "Alright , thank you very much " I gave him $10 and leave his cab. 

   "Have a nice day miss." again, he giving me a big smile and drove off.

   I was searching for him and I saw a very familiar man's back who hugging a girl and kissing near the wall. As I walk in front to him to make sure who he was. But then, I can't believe my eyes, I saw John , who was there cheated on me . I quickly pull off of them and slapped hard at John face. 

  "Hey, what is wrong with you bitch?" the sexy girl glared at me.

    Without hesitate , I prepare to slap onto her face. But then, John grab my wrist to avoid me to slap her. He then pull me to the back alley, I keep yelling at him to let go of me the he pushed me hard against the wall cried out of pain on my back. I cant even move as he hold me tight on my wrist.

  "So, you miss me huh?" I felt something wrong with him while he talked to me and I could smell his breath that he was drunk. I looked away from him try to escaped from him. Then he cupped up my cheek to face to him.  

  

 "John,please let go of me, you are hurting me." I tried to get off from him but it was useless he is too strong and I was very weak because of my body ached.   

   As I was trying to get off him, but he push me even harder then before. I cried out pain. He try to kiss me. But I refused to let him do, I felt very disgusting of his smell.  

   "You feel... so hot, I love you so much." he kissed me on my neck then cheek .

  

   "John,please.. stop it.you are drunk..Please, Let me go... " I was begging him to let me go, but then he was trying to kiss my lips, I kicked him between his leg very hard. He released me and fell onto the ground and grabbed his private part and yelled out in pain.. 

   "ahhhhhhhh!!!"

  "What is wrong with you? John?! Who was that girl? and why you kiss her?are you cheat on me?Why do you do that? why???  " I kneel beside him and keep on beating him. 

   After a few moment, his pain was gone.He cover his head for his protection from beating from me. he slowly got up with a sitting position and slap in hard on my face. I fell onto the ground and felt dizzying and uneasy while he slap me.

  "Hey bitch," John yelled at me, "you are... stupid bitch." and then he laughed. He stand up wobbled and kick hard in my stomach 

   "ouchh... " 

   "This is for what you did't to me just now,bitch!" 

   He grab my collar of jacket to pulled me up and slam me hard face against the wall, my forehead was bleeding a little bit.. I felt much pain than before. He pressed against me with his body and grab my neck with his left arm and his right hand was holding a knife and pressed onto my cheek.  

   "Bitch, hell yeah! if you do anything clever, I'll kill you. " John whispered near my ear and his knife pressed onto my neck, I could felt warm blood bleed down my jacket . I try to yelled out of pain, but I cant . My heart skip a beat while his left hand touch my waist and then slowly touch around to my waist. 

  "Please stop it, John. Let go of me. Please..." I cried for begging as his hand wanted to go down my waist,out of the sudden.....

  "Police!! What the hell are you doing?! " A man scream through ward us. 

  John quickly ran for life while the policeman chased after him "Stop right there!! " 

   I felt onto the ground and bluish in my sight. Someone carry me to its arm and calling out my name. It a female voice. 

   "please don't end up like this. Just hold on,dude. You will be safe ." she murmured to me. I cant looked at her face my fever and some injure on my body making my vision blurry and collapsed after that.

   While I slowly opened my eyes , white and bright in the room. As my eyes came to focus , I realized I'm in the hospital.I felt a bandage around my head and my wrist. It was hurt when I moved my wrist.Because of John grabbed me with all his strength. 

   "Hey,are you feeling better?" Jill gently touch my hand.As I was trying to get up on bed, I felt pain all around my body. 

   

"Hey, no no no.. you need to rest. " Jill gently hold my shoulder and slowly push me down. 

  "Jill, I'm.... sorry " I lower my eyes , felt shy to looked at her. As my tears rolling down my cheek. "I'm really sorry. sob..."

   "It's okay ,Ann. Everything is over. you need to be strong to look forward .  "Jill gently wipe off my tears and give me a smile.

   I try my best to reach out my hand to touch Jill face 

   "I'm sorry that I slap you. I'm really sorry. " I cant control my tears and dropped onto my breast . 

  

   "It's okay its okay.. " Jill hold my hand and gently put down. "Police already caught him, so, you won't be any danger anymore. Everything is over now. You feel safe now. " Jill gently touch my cheek to comfort me. 

   "How did you find me?"I asked
 

   "First day met me? huh? I'm a private investigator . haha" Jill laugh out loud ."Just joking, well,I followed you."

   "How? I mean.. how you know I'm dating with John at that time?"

   "Hello? I know you well, pal. You usually went out at Saturday night."Jill smile at me.
  

   "Oh.. so,how long did I pass out?"I looked up at her with confusing . 

  

   "I guess.. about 36 hours" Jill reached out a coco and hand it to me. "Drink it. I know you are hungry now."

  

   "Thanks. " I took a big gulp with sudden and get choked with coco..  "cough*cough*" chocolate stains on my white colour shirt.  

  

   "Hey, take it easy, take it easy. you just like a little baby. I'll get you new shirt. Be right back"as Jill walked toward the door .

   "Jill" I called out her name. 

   

   "Yeah?" Jill felt confuse and thought that I had some request . 

  

   "Thank you. "I smile at her 

  

   "Hmmm... just a thank you is not enough to me.. " Jill stared at me seriously .

  

   "ermm... I.... I'm ... sorry" I murmured and lower my eyes

  

   "At least.... make a pizza for me." she added . I surprised and looked up to her. "Oh ya..and extra cheese " she winked at me with big smile on her face and she walk away to get new shirt for me. 

  

  I felt happy and proud to have a friend like you. Thanks for saving my life, if not, I won't be able to see future...

Friendship is very importance in our life. Without them, you won't be able to stand up . 

Anyway,  Thanks, pal :) 

じ☆Vの

Playing around :)

I just playing around in my grandmother's room..

yeah..

cheese~~

woooww~~

muck muck~~

what?? 

haha..

じ☆Vの

Broken Hearted

I know that it isn't right to love you..

But..

I really love you so much..

I need to let it go.

I'm sorry for hurting you so deep.

 

As the gift..

that belong to you.

I am crying while seeing the pink bear..

with a heart shape with "LOVE" word..

Thanks for loving me before. 

And thanks to me that also love you before..

I need to let it go..

I'm truly sorry ...

じ☆Vの